Still Single: “I am 30 and Unmarried”

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I could not help but consume the honesty, rawness, and intimacy of such an expressive text that is so relatable and candidly true. I will also not dilute the authenticity of Esther Asamudo‘s successful attempt at explaining what being single is not. So, here:

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I am 30 and unmarried.

“You need to park your car and trek sometimes, husbands are on the streets everywhere…” Who wants to drop baby girl status to find a husband that has no car?

“You are busy obtaining degrees while your mates are inviting you to weddings every weekend…” I am a thermometer, deal with it.

“You don’t really have to marry a rich guy, look for one that has ‘potentials’, and just settle, you are not getting younger…” Really? Aki, you are right.

I understand, I hear these all the time….huh! Oh the pressure You can relate, right?

A certain guy proposed marriage to me years ago and I turned it down because even though we were friends, it looked like he was doing me a favour. One day, he ‘rented’ a nice car and parked next to mine and said all the nice things. I just told him I was not ready to marry him. The truth is, he did not ‘tick the boxes’. He said “do you know you are not getting any younger? There is an expiry date”.

Few months after, he married someone five years older than I am. I believe his wife had no expiry date. Pfffffff!

People mature at different ages, because of life’s experiences and opportunities.

If I got married at 22 years, I would probably never understand the things about marriage like I do now. That’s not to say people don’t learn in marriage, but I don’t think I was mentally ready. I was fresh out of school, job seeker, no defined purpose or any big career ambitions, if a serious man came along, I’d have married him and started a family.

As I grew, I began to get a better focus on what I wanted out of life, from the sidelines, I watched other people experience things and some I experienced myself and learned lessons, every year I check my priority list, pen down my goals, re-evaluate, re-strategize and rearrange.

Most single ladies know exactly what they want and because they know that particular thing is out there, they continually prepare themselves for it and will not settle for less.

For some of us, these things come earlier. For some, these come later.

‘Single’ does not mean man-hater, disabled, low IQ, mentally unstable, emotionally disturbed, cursed (argue with your village people), unhealthy and certainly not a definition of feminism (check google).

It is just a status for someone who is not married. For some of us who desire marriage, it is only a phase.

As my married friends would say, “enjoy while it lasts”.

© Esther Asamudo

Related: Africans and the marriage obsession

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