This morning, I got an email from TomiTalks on laid back fiances. I personally call these men passive people. I didn’t waste time clicking and watching her video. By the way, if you didn’t know, TomiTalks is a Christian relationship vlog on YouTube.
Here’s the question: What do you do when the one you love does not meet your expectations in certain areas and their weaknesses are giving you cause for concern? What should your response be when the man you love does not seem to be motivated enough to take the initiative in your relationship?
So the lady says she is in a golden relationship that is progressing towards marriage. He loves her but she is too concerned about his laid back personality. She says he is patient and hardworking but he is not proactive. He doesn’t communicate, just about anything goes.
He doesn’t take charge of the relationship. He does not initiate important processes, choices and decisions. She is sincerely not comfortable with it. Even though they have started some formal procedures towards marriage, she is putting things on hold. She is asking if she should call the marriage off.
He is a laid back man, should I still marry him?
Here’s the video answer below:
Well as Tomi Toluhi says, there are three options:
- Quit, if you really can’t cope. I mean, you marry who the person is now and not what you want him to be.
- Criticize. It leads to complaining and nagging for them to change. Gosh, I was in these shoes.
- Adapt. You are going to work really hard here. You will have to magnify their strengths over this weakness. I believe that it is easier if you as the woman are like this, dating a passive man is a lot of work. Adapt, if you can.
Also read: how to handle the pressure to get married
I was once in these shoes some months ago. I got to the point where I had to make a decision. I couldn’t cope anymore. I could not be with someone that could not take initiatives or lead. What would happen when we need to make really important decisions in the marriage? Would I always take the lead?
He sincerely loved me, I loved him too but it was mostly rough as I went into depression the most part of the relationship. A suggestion here, an initiative there, and I was going to be the driver. I wanted to be in the hands of a man who knew where we were both going.
It was a very tough relationship for me to be in. I could not watch a man sit back and be told what to do and when to do it. I would lose my respect for him. Some other woman might have that grace, she could adapt. It would take a lot of work but someone else was meant to do that work, not me, lol.
What do you think? Ever been in these shoes? Know someone who is currently in these shoes, please share this video with them.