So many problems can be avoided and nipped in the bud by not being afraid to talk about them from the beginning. There are some questions you should ask in preparation for marriage.
Recently, stories have come out across social media featuring couples in which one person didn’t know that their significant other was capable of.
How much of your partner do you know?
Except you have been friends all your life, like my friend who has been friends with her partner for 12 years before they got married. No, she didn’t start dating him, or rather he didn’t ask her until about a year before their wedding.
You might also like to read: must a relationship lead to marriage?
There have been some experiences happen in real time on Twitter, I was astounded. It got me thinking about what conversations people are not having before they enter into committed relationships, about things couples should talk about before marriage. How many sensitive yet important concerns go avoided until it’s too late?
Communication and trust are the cornerstones of a long-standing relationship. However, how you broach conversations has a lot to do with the amount of information you can take away from them. Sometimes you can ask the necessary questions but still not get enough pertinent information or the full truth because people are blinded by love and feelings. Nevertheless, there are important questions to ask before marriage.
One best way to get the entire truth out of someone you’re getting to know, especially when they claim to be in love with you is to paint a scenario instead of asking direct questions and see how they react.
Say for example, you need to know about their past relationship, you could ask them lessons they’ve learnt over time in their relationships with people of opposite sex.
In short, your communication style will determine the kind of answers you’ll get for your questions as we know that asking questions will always reveal information about a thing or a person you’re coming in contact with newly.
Now, what questions should I ask to determine if I’ll get along with them or not? What questions should couples ask before they enter marriage?
The list of questions I’ll be rendering here is not absolute, obviously they are from my own perspective, they are questions I would ask the guy I am courting, they are my own determinant questions of a healthy relationship/marriage, so you could come up with your own questions but then I feel these should form basis of a close communication gap.
You should ask marriage questions in the areas of the following to help you establish the communication that will get the information out of him and also help you decipher if you two are in sync on them;
You should know especially if you are a book junkie if he is too or he is contended with his degree while you would want to pursue your PhD.
Are you a spender and he’s a saver or the other way round? How do you juxtapose this to ensure that there’s no friction in the relationship/marraige? Who brings what to the family purse? Do we keep a joint account or separate accounts? Who pays what bills? Etc
What kind of songs, movies, TV stations do you both enjoy? Are they conflicting or not? Would you watch Telemundo while he wants to watch Supersport? Who gives up his/her preference for who in such situations?
Related: why do you want to be in a relationship?
If you are considering getting married really as I do not subscribe to premarital sex, you should talk about who loves sex most? Who stays longer? If you as the woman initiate sex, would he not picture you as an irresponsible woman? What happens when you’re too tired to give your body to him in pleasure? Can you explore several sex styles?
What kind of family do you two intend to raise? What special thing would the family be known for? What values are we bond to as a family?
Who does what? Can anyone cook the meal, operate the washing machine, do the dishes or does the man do just the manly chores like tending to the garden, washing the car, do repairs and the woman, clean the house, do the dishes, cook the meal etc?
Are you both going for paid employment or one person stays in paid employment while the other does the hustle or you both follow your dreams and be entrepreneurs?
Do you allow family members in our home? How often will you visit them? Do you give them things as a family or as individuals? How long can anyone stay with you? Are you allowed to visit alone? Is it okay if there’s a little friction between you two and you talk to either of friends or family about it? How far is too far in respecting and referencing family members especially parents?
What method do you intend to use to raise your children? Even if you have your children, would anyone of you object to adopting one or two young ones? What corrective measures are allowed when the children err?
What does fun mean to you? Where must fun be had? How often do we have fun?
Can you as the woman confront your man, can you question his ideas? (sometimes for cross examination) Would you rather keep quiet to avoid issues rising when you question him/her? How far is too far to argue? Should we even argue at all?
Who do we believe in? Where do we worship? How far is too far in religious commitment? What is our view on specific sensitive issues such as giving/tithing, pastoral authority, sin/heaven etc?
Who is our family Mentor? Or should we even have a mentor at all?
Health and Wellness
How often do you do general medical examinations? What do you take when you feel weak, herbal concoctions or orthodox medicines? Do you apply faith and anointing oil and mantle when you are sick?
Do you take training/courses often? Do you even believe in mental fitness and prowess? Do you read books often individually or as couple?
I believe when you ask these questions and you two reach an agreement on how you want your home to be, apparently, you will build a model family.
When you observe conflicting thoughts/answers to these things, that’s an obvious red flag that has to be dealt with or avoided so you don’t come back crying after you have said I do.
I dedicate this to myself and LeBoo. LOL, what were you expecting? Enjoy married life!
Article written by Oluwafunmbi Purpose Adeoti