How to handle the pressure to get married
It is not new that people ‘tease’, ‘ask’, ‘tell’ and even sometimes practically bully people into getting ready to be married. The pressure to get engaged, married is so draining.
Once, as a lady, you cross the mid twenties, not considering your plans and ambitions, people (family, friends, coworkers and even enemies) strategically ask when they’ll come to eat jollof rice.
I have been there, it got to me at a time, I started thinking about getting married too often. I started feeling as though I have missed it and have been left behind. It even grew worse when virtually all my friends got married to their sweethearts.
At this point, I decided to ask myself questions. I know that critical issues get critical solutions when critical questions are asked. So, I asked myself “why exactly am I still unmarried?”, “am I less of who I am supposed to be because I am still unmarried?” and many other questions to tackle the worry and anxieties.
See, until you have your reason for marriage, you shouldn’t just do it because everyone is doing so. If you still don’t know why you’re going into marriage, read this blog post on – why do you want to get married?
Several days ago, I wrote on my Facebook timeline that pastors, even those that do not know me now ask about wedding dates.. Hehehehehehehehehehehehehe, so I decided to ask people my age who aren’t married yet and would volunteer to answer how they feel about being unmarried.
After my survey, I realized that indeed, most people who pressurize eligible bachelors and spinsters about marriage don’t even know how much it bothers them not being married.
Read what few of them said about how they react to the pressures;
“My reaction is, biko what’s your own with my marital status?????learn how to mind your business”
“How does my marital status affect them”
“I laugh, I plan in private to get married asap though”
“I smile & talk to God about it”
“to the questionnaire *I am always polite and sweet and even ask then to please pray about it for me and in my privacy, it can make me feel depressed and sad because it reminds me I am not where I want to be career wise and financially so it makes me feel low for maybe a day or two but I am working on growing a tougher skin”
“I don’t let it disturb me at all, but in my privacy, I’m always like not again Lord just do this and let me have peace with these people”
“Most times, I laugh. Right in their presence. And that ends it as far as I am concerned.
However, some other times I get to sit down and think “Hey girl, when will you be married truly?” “You ain’t getting younger, sweetie”
You see, after reading through every response I got from the survey, I saw that it really isn’t necessary to bully people or tease them about their marital status, after all, no one will shoulder their responsibilities for them in the marriage.
But then, on a second thought, it was observed that concern for our well being as well as ‘taking responsibility’ for us are part of the reasons they seem it fit to ‘remind’ us of our single state, so in all, we don’t blame them or make them feel guilty.
We need to talk to ourselves rather than bother our dear hearts about the bully and teasing.
So how do we help ourselves so we don’t end up getting married in a hurry to please the people around us?
1. Know why you’re still unmarried.
If you don’t know why you’re still unmarried, you’d be swayed with the many ‘goan marry’ you’ll hear.
Every one around you rather than just trying to bully you is concerned about you and you know no one will do beyond what they know and how they know, so it will be left to you to discern if their teasing is out of concern or sheer talks, and this will help you determine when to take on the next step of getting married.
2. Make sure you have inside of you what it takes to shun out the voiceless voices around you.
You see, it is only the content of a canned drink that will be let out when it is pressured.
When you are pressured left, right and center and you end up marrying a wrong person, that’s because you have had the tendency of marrying wrong even before the pressures and not because you were pressured to do so. But if even with the pressures you have filled your mind with the right values that’ll help you choose a right partner for yourself, you’ll still be rightly espoused.
3. While you’re waiting to be found or to find, work on yourself to be who you’d always wanted to be.
One of the questions I asked in the survey I did before this article was if there’s something they’d want to do but couldn’t because they aren’t married yet. About 98% of those who answered said there was nothing they’d want to do in marriage that they aren’t doing now except for romance and sex.
So, if you’d want to touch lives with your art, music, words, works, etc, do it now. Soak yourself to God’s work and serve humanity, the right person will come.
I leave you with this, don’t allow yourself to be trashed either by yourself or by any other person all because you’re not married.
Photo credit : Craving Yellow