‘Big girl like you’ Really? Faaaaam!

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I boarded my ride and he started my trip. He had not moved an inch when he began to complain. He said he had been on that route before and there’s a lot of traffic.

I was surprised tho’. I told him where I was going even before he started the trip. Well, all was fine and good. So I asked what he thought we could do.

I began to search Google maps and also think of alternative routes. Everywhere I mentioned, he said something ill about the route. So I asked him (again) what he proposed we do.

Guess what his proposal was, we should go offline.

Bros, from 100 to -67. Offline ke? How is that supposed to be an option?

I was desperate to get home so that might have been no problem save for that it was kind of off. I also remembered at that point some of the bizarre stories I had heard of people who went offline.

Most of the time, it seemed to go south!

My immediate response to ‘let’s go offline’ was ‘ah’.

I sat there thinking of the next thing to do – order another ride, book a yellow taxi, take a bike, walk down to board a bus (I had no cash, so I would have to withdraw).

He mentioned that it would not be much, around 2,000 Naira. My people, my ride estimate was 600-800 Naira on the app.

What I was considering wasn’t even the money he would charge offline but my safety and any other thing I might not be thinking about.

I told him to cancel my trip, I would like to book another ride. It was so clear to me, there was no traffic jam, I take that route everyday. He just wanted to go offline and for what ever reason- more money, something shady, I wasn’t even ready to think. I just needed him to cancel my ride.

Guess what came next, ‘big girl like you’.

This was where all the bolts in my head loosened.


‘It’s not much o, it will be around 2500’, he even inflated by 500 Naira.

‘Unku unku, please open the door!’ I barked. ‘If this is what big girls do, I am not a big girl. Please open your door!’

He unlocked and asked me to cancel the ride. I reminded him, he already started the ride without my permission. I couldn’t even cancel an ongoing ride.

He did and mhen, I walked away fast.

‘Big girl like you’, that was such a mistake!

What was that going to make me do? Pay him 2500 Naira to save face?

I don’t get it. Big girls are smart. Big girls don’t waste money. Big girls know when someone is trying to rip off some extra, unnecessary cash.

Big girls can smell a corporate thief. So if anyone’s definition of ‘big girl’ is a reckless spender, we might need to call for a redefinition!

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