Before you pay for that Hostel Bed Space, read this biko!

Many of the real estate agents you see walking around are ruthless liars. I have not personally met the plainly truthful ones. All I do is juxtapose their lying levels. Okay, this one’s lies are not up to that one. Let me try him and ask God to enter his brain for me.

I am saying this because if you want to get an hostel bed space in Lagos (or anywhere for that matter) and you are a new student, you will have to go and prepare an ‘how to be smart’ concoction and gulp it down very fast. Admission can be so pressing that the time frame between ‘not-admitted’ and ‘now admitted, settled down in school and with an hostel accommodation’ is so very fast.

Some of you may not get accommodation in school (I hate to unwrap bad news). When mine happened in 300 Level, I was thrown into utter panic and scattered confusion. I was not prepared but I got lucky. There were newly built private hostels within Unilorin, ready to be launched by us.

This preamble is becoming too long so I will just cut straight to the chase.

1. Check for Proximity to the Campus

Don’t go and get a place where you can’t wake up, get dressed and be in class in 15 minutes under duress. There will be impromptu lectures, tests and even exams. They may not happen so frequently but the once-in-a-while occurrence will make you detest the entirety of your student life if your hostel is far.

Apart from these unforseen situations, it’s just best to stay close to campus. Information is easier to collect, night classes are easily observed and your high blood pressure will not start in 100 level.

2. Check, double-check and silly check for basic amenities

Water and electricity are two of the most important. And then, what we usually never ever check for – quality of water. If you read my post on finding good apartments in Lagos, you will clearly understand why I am stressing this. Hard water is not a joke. Unfortunately, the management of the hostel I stay in (I am not a student anyway) has decided to look the other way so we use untreated hard water and out of all of the people in this hostel, I happen to have a sensitive skin. Check for water quality, I will remind you that I told you.

How is the electricity in the area? Is there a common generator? How long will it be on in case power becomes erratic? Ask questions. Ask question from people living there. Don’t stop at what real estate agents tell you. They get their commission and they are out! You are in!

3. Enter inside the hostel before you pay

I know it sounds like an intelligently obvious point but errrrrr…, enter inside the hostel. Enter inside o, enter inside the room, check the bathrooms, the toilets, everything. Check if there is a wardrobe. Check for rats and cockroaches so that you can come prepared, lol.

Enter other rooms. Peep, babe, peep bros. It’s not a crime. ‘Eskis me brother, I just want to see your room, dasol’. If the room occupants give you hard face (which is very unlikely), gboju. But note it o, they may become crazy roommates. Make pelzon nor kon enter room with vampaya.

It is when you settle down in your hostel that you will now realize that you picked the worst of the rooms. Agent will not be too nice to tell you you are making a stewpeed decision o. Someone has to live in that room anyway.

4. Collect receipt

Roll your eyes all you want, roll it very well. This one is an assault on your intelligence but I will say that I told you. Kikikikikikikikiki….

Let me tell you what they do. They will tell you that they will give you your receipt when you bring your load. They don’t have access to the booklet yet. They will say plenty things o. Fresher like you will just pout and say, ‘awwwwwwwwwn, okay’. After you have poured one hundred and fifty two thousand Naira inside their akant. Omo baba olowo!

Before you know it, days will turn to weeks until you forget your receipt. It will now be 8 months after and they will ask you to pack your nice self to your popsi’s house. Tooooooor, you don’t kuku have receipt to argue with.

Ehn, when you get your receipt, check all the dates on it. Don’t rush sweetie. Hehehehehe.

5. Compare prices with other hostels

Because of the hostel accommodation rush, you may later on begin to spank yourself. I didn’t mean that in a sensual way, trust me. See, if you have to put up with someone, manage with a relative or something, please do o.

Give yourself time to sample round to your satisfaction. Some of the expensive hostels may scream comfort that you will eventually find unnecessary. Our tastes and quest for comfort differs. You may not mind staying in a room without a fan, someone else might go extra lengths to get one with an AC. So compare your comfort level with prices.

If you are not the TV type and a prospective hostel bed space is ridiculously expensive because of the TV, abeg fashi. Maybe you are the type that would rather go to YouTube or watch movies on your system. Ki la wa n gbe kiri. Sample round until you know that you have tried your best.

On a lighter mood, don’t pick the upper bunk if you have a choice. Because ehn, it is after you have climbed up your bunk that you will find your red towel on the floor. Doing what o, you don’t know. After picking it up to finally retire to bed, you will remember that you have not returned a borrowed charger. And on and on, you will be climbing your bunk like you are doing Olympics.

Okay, you can now go and pay for the hostel bed space. Tenks.

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