Nobody goes into a serious long distance relationship with the hope that it will one day fail. Inasmuch as we tend to be very optimistic, we should never miss facts and signs that shout at us in long distance relationships. Short distance relationships are enough work. If you don’t have plans in place to make your long distance relationship work, it is definitely going to fail. In many instances of long distance, you can blame neither of the couple, they couldn’t control the distance.
Work, family, education, and a lot more unavoidable factors are reasons why there is a distance. In fact, many times, there is a fight to avoid this distance but really, it usually seems very impossible and that’s why couples have to go into long distance relationships
Love isn’t hard, actually. Relationships are on the other hand hard. There are two individuals coming together from different backgrounds, with different characters, beliefs, values etc. It will take some getting used to, some compromise, great patience and thorough understanding. Imagine all of this across miles and oceans, all of this across time, more than 5 hours, maybe. Imagine how much of nurturing this long distance relationship will need.
From all indications, statistics are not in favour of long distance relationships because many of them fail and crumble. This is not to say that some long distance relationships don’t survive, some do, but it is evident in the work they both put in. Here are tell-tale signs that your long distance relationship is coming to an end.
1. The relationship is not priority
For people very far from each other, to make things work, they would have to make the relationship priority. Priority over friends, sometimes, family, yes. Priority over holidays, meet and greets. If your long distance lover doesn’t put you first on the list, forget it, you are not going to last. If in short distance relationships, people place their partners top, how much more in long distance relationships.
2. There is no end in sight
Let me give you a tip- hopes are not enough. You both need to be practical enough. In fact, if one or both of you lack the ability and maturity to be long term master planners, you are wasting your time in that relationship. There has to be a time when you know that the relationship will end.
Things may shift, things may not go as planned, what matters here is that there is a time you are looking forward to. If plans shift, then you make adjustments. In many cases, when you are serious about plans, they do not shift just like that. When you don’t know, are not sure, are not particular about when the long distance will end, this is a tell-tale sign that you are both wasting your time.
3. You are not working to close the distance at any available time
This is like tell-tale sign 2 except that this type of physical meeting is more frequent. If at any available time, like an holiday, a leave etc., you both do not have the yearn, the rush to close the distance, the long distance relationship is going to fail. We may argue all we want but emotions and love are not enough to take care of physical meetings. You can’t stare into your partner’s eyes, hold them, talk to them without the aid of your phone…
If unfortunately one of you have quality time as love language, it is going to crumble much faster. Same if one of you has physical touch as love language. The whole relationship will come down crumbling if you don’t make out time to see each other frequently, in fact, very frequently. It is as serious as if you can’t do this every weekend, you see every month.
If it is this bad, I mean this distance, if this distance is this wide, you both should be planning to see once in three months. Let’s look at once in six months if the cost of seeing is enough to buy a land. If this can’t happen, your long distance relationship is going to fail.
4. You are broke
Let me tell you one particularly interesting thing about we humans, we can be very very optimistic when we are in love. Nope, it is not a bad thing. In fact, optimism is very important in the subject of relationships. Where there is a problem is when this optimism blinds your reasoning and the facts laid bare before you.
If you cannot handle a relationship financially, you are going to crumble if it is long distance. The calls, the internet subscription, the surprise gifts and packages and a whole lot more needed for a relationship to work is more pronounced the more the distance.
5. Only one of you is putting in the work
Just like everyone of us knows, it takes two to tango. If only one of you is concerned about the stagnancy in the relationship, the imminent problems you both are facing or how to make the relationship better, your long distance relationship is going to fail. I am trying not to sound like a prophet of doom but what I want to do here, (despite the conflict and my efforts not to sound too pessimistic) is to tell you what your friends are afraid to say. You family, they are closer, they might have told you but that’s all you have heard.
If only one of you is making the calling, initiating the chatting, trying to close the physical gap etc, it is going to drain them. If per chance, the either of you putting that much work is the one reading this blog post, you are tired and exhausted already. You are exasperated! You are left unloved and not cherished. You know that it is time to pack your bags and leave but you have become so entangled in love.
You love this person too much already and it’s killing you. You are willing to put more effort. You are full of hopes, you are thinking that they will come around and begin to put as much work as you are putting. You are not going to like this but wait for it- it won’t happen. The long distance relationship is going to fail. That was rude but it is the truth!
6. There is no more spark.
You just grow apart. So many things cause relationships to become tasteless. In fact, it is inevitable when there is no more romance. Work, career and a major job shift cause lovers to grow apart. There is a change in wants and sometimes you outgrow each other. In cases like these, you will need to work extra hard if you are very much interested in keeping your long distance relationship. If one or neither of you cares about the drift, you will have one more reason to make your long distance relationship fail.
Remember I said that this is hard work. This work is however easier if both of you have your hands are on deck. Otherwise, it’s over. You can as well begin to bid yourselves good bye.
7. One of you is cheating on the other
It takes a lot to cheat on your partner. If you can pounce on another person because your partner is not around you, you need to check that long distance relationship. In fact. you need to check yourself.
If you have pressing and repeating signs that your long distance relationship is not working, it is time to move on. Don’t beat yourself too much about this. There are so many people who have come out of distressing relationships like these and they survived. They pulled through. If you are not strong enough to leave the relationship at once, begin to withdraw gradually. Become nonchalant until the relationship dies a natural death. Do not allow your partner to emotionally blackmail you into staying.
Sometimes they know what they are supposed to do to make it work but they fail not to do them because they are lazy, they don’t love you that much, they are not just into you like you thought they were, they are not teachable, they are too ignorant, they are immature or simply not equipped to be in a relationship with anyone. You can’t fix them, in fact, you may not be able to fix your long-distance relationship, but you can fix you. You can begin the process of healing.